Ashes and Ice Shards
by DerringerMeryl87
Summary: A sequel to the series, I guess. 4-5 years after war's end. It's a Zutara story! yeah. wish i could put more here without giving stuff away!
1. Split

It took less than an hour to bring down something that had existed for more than four years. The ease of it surprised Katara. Just as her sudden revelation had surprised her earlier that morning...

_The air in the swamp was so humid. She didn't even notice the humidity—or lack thereof—in other parts of the world, just the swamp. Hoping to avoid the heat, she had gotten up early to go to the village for supplies. Her plan was hopeless, however, and she was drenched in sweat before she had gone half of the mile into town. Even as she admired the trees and wildlife around her, her lungs fought to breathe in air instead of moisture. Of course, she could bend the moist air away from her skin, but the headache brought on from the concentration wasn't worth the effort._

_Seeing the town took her by surprise, as it always did. The swamp people were a good, but uncivilized people. Outside of the village, the people lived in huts, if they had a shelter at all. But the village was filled with quaint and surprisingly straight little houses and shops. Today was market day, so she expected the crowd, but underneath the common chatter was a thinly veiled layer of excitement._

_She went to the fruit stall first, picking just a few of her favorites. When she went to the vendor to pay, he looked at her doubtfully. His name was Shin, she thought. They hadn't been there long so she wasn't sure. But he hadalways seemed OK, and fair enough with his prices, so his next words surprised her. "Is that it?" he asked, but not in the usual "helpful-shop-boy" way. It seemed as if he specifically thought she should spend more at his shop._

_She bristled and her reply was a waspish, "Yeah. Is there a problem?"_

_"No, ma'am," he replied respectfully before explaining himself. "It's just that I heard the Avatar would be home today. I know he eats no meat, and when he is home, you buy more fruit."_

_Katara looked around in surprise, now understanding the undercurrent of excitement she had sensed from the market day crowd. Of course they would be excited about Aang's return._

_The realization crashed around her like a sudden storm. They were wasting their lives away, she and Aang. Katara wasn't like these people. Aang's return held no excitement for her. Well, no more excitement than a visit from Sokka and Suki or Toph might bring. She didn't love Aang, not like that anyway._

_She managed to babble out an apology to Shin and execute a normal-looking retreat from the market, but when she reached the path that led to their cabin, she was running. Katara was appalled. How could this have happened? After the comet, it had seemed inevitable that she would end up with Aang. He had wanted her as no other boy had. After she and Zuko had defeated Azula it was his safety she'd feared for._

_And then, after the relationship started, it continued. There was nothing to stop it. No fights, and everyone was so happy for them, saying that they had seen it all along. Aang was strong and wise, a truly good person. Exactly the kind of man she wanted to spend her life with. But today was the day she realized that he wasn't the specific person that she wanted beside her forever._

* * *

He found her sitting on her knees in the main room. The room functioned as both kitchen and living area. Katara hadn't bothered to light a candle when the sun set, so the room was almost black. Aang's steps on the wooden floor echoed through the room, and the darkness served to emphasize the empty, hollow sound. The fruit was scattered around the room from where she had dropped the bag coming through the door. Not bothering to tidy up, she had settled down to wait for him.

"Katara?" he asked uncertainly.

Slowly and carefully she stated the words she had to say, "Aang, I'm moving out."

His answering sigh was not one of sorrow, it was one of relief.

She looked up at him in surprise. "How long?" she demanded as he folded himself into a sitting position across the room from her.

"I've known for almost a year now," he told her.

Katara sucked in her breath, "That long?" Aang only nodded. "Then why? Why didn't you…?"

"End it?" he finished the question for her. "Part of me wanted to. But I'd worked so hard for the relationship. I all but forced you into it. And I couldn't bear to have you in pain because of my fickleness. So I toughed it out, it wasn't all that hard. I do love you, Katara. Just not like I thought I did."

"Me either," she whispered.

There was silence between them for a few moments. The only sounds were the swamp crickets and the sound of Appa feeding in the barn. "What will we tell everyone?" Katara spoke first.

"The truth, I suppose. It's not really anyone's business but yours and mine."

Katara scoffed. "Aang, you're the Avatar. It's _everyone's_ business what you do!"

"We'll work it out," he promised, pulling her in for a hug. It was a comfortable hug. Until now, Katara hadn't realized how stiff their embraces were.

Since the end of the war, they hadtraveled the world, living a few months in one place and a few in another. Traditionally, Avatars lived in their home nations. But the air nation was no more. The air folk had been nomads, so it was a nomadic life they hadchosen, and the world had welcomed them. They hadlived in a mansion in the fire nation, a cave near Ba Sing Se. This latest home, a small cabin in the swamp, had only one bedroom. This fact was suddenly awkward instead of cozy.

"Don't worry." Aang patted her head patronizingly as he released her. Normally she would have teased him about his age when he did something like that, but tonight it just seemed natural. "I'll sleep in the stable with Appa."

Even though it was late when she finally went to bed, it took Katara a long time to fall sleep. She lay awake a long time, turning the situation over in her mind. Part of her cringed at the embarrassment. They haddeclared themselves to one another, so what would the world say when they took it all back?

Aang was right, she decided. All that mattered was them and their feelings. Even as she put her fears to rest, Katara smiled wide in anticipation. Suddenly tomorrow felt new and different, exciting. It was like being freed from something she hadn't known she was tied to.

When she woke, she kicked the blanket off and prepared to face the day. She was nineteen years old and nothing about her future was decided yet.

But the day was more than half gone, and the house was empty. She found a note from Aang tacked to the door:

_Katara,_

_I'm sorry to leave like this, but you were sleeping so peacefully… I know we left things sort of open-ended, but I'll be back soon. There are reports of squatters in the Southern Air Temple, and I have to go check them out. I know you'll understand. Don't worry. I'll be home in two weeks, probably less. We'll sort this all out then!_

_Your Friend,_

_Aang_

Katara sighed. The future didn't seem any less bright, just not as immediate as it had earlier. Still, she picked up her basket and set off for the village. She hadn't gotten everything she wanted at market yesterday_._


	2. Reunions

A knock sounded through the cabin. It was late, not a social visit Katara guessed. Standing in tight formation in front of the cabin stood a troop of Fire Nation soldiers.

Instinctively, she tensed, but relaxed when the leader removed his helmet. It was General Tokki. Katara had never spoken to him personally, but she and Aang had been living in the Fire Nation at the time of his promotion. She knew Zuko trusted him.

"Lady Katara." Tokki bowed his head in respect and Katara imitated him.

"What brings you here, General Tokki?"

"We seek council with the Avatar."

"He left this morning for the Southern Air Temple. I don't know when he'll be back. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Tokki's eyes were sad as he answered, "His presence is requested at the palace of our Fire Lord Zuko. As is your own."

Though the air always smelled faintly of smoke, it was much cooler in the Fire Nation. The face of the sun was hidden by thick, roiling clouds, and Katara sensed a storm. They had traveled fast, but one of their ships had been sent off at an even quicker pace. That ship had headed south, hoping to meet Aang either at the temple or on his way back. It was important that Aang made it for this, and Katara mentally urged the lieutenant Yaku's boat to go faster. The three-day trip had seemed to stretch into weeks. Her thoughts went to the conversation that had led to the trip….

"_It's lady Mai," Tokki explained as the soldiers took Katara's hastily-packed bag from her. "She's been sick for weeks. It seemed like a simple cold at first, but got worse. They pushed back the wedding because of it. That's why you didn't receive an invitation."_

"_Well, we wondered, but it seemed rude to ask…. How bad is it, General?"_

"_Really bad. That's why we came for you. The court physician said last week that she was dying. Fire Lord Zuko was angry. He hasn't lost his temper like that for a long time now. He fired the doctor and shut himself in Mai's room. _

"_For almost an entire day we heard nothing, but then he just came out. He called the physician back and handed me five envelopes. 'Take these to my friends,' he told me. He mentioned you and the Avatar by name. But I sent the other three to your brother, his wife, and Lady Toph. I didn't know what else to do. _

"_Lord Zuko returned to Mai's bedside and still hadn't said another word when we left," Tokki looked to Katara, as if for commendation for his actions._

"_Dying…" Katara breathed the word out slowly, trying to let it sink in. "How long?"_

_Tokki seemed relieved that she didn't criticize his decision on the letter recipients, and his expression turned again to sadness at her question. "Not very. We may be too late, even now."_

The ship had left port then. The general had work to do, and Katara was left to roam the ship as she pleased. Mostly she just sat and thought. The sea air was cool and dry. With the ocean stretching out around her, Katara felt calm and peaceful.

But she grieved for Zuko and his loss. Katara had met Mai. She and Zuko had been good together, with her calm demeanor balancing out his fiery temper.

At night Katara sparred with the young soldiers on the ship. Only the young ones though. The others wouldn't fight while knowing that they would lose. She reminded herself that fighting was mostly unnecessary now with Aang keeping the peace. Still, water bending was not a part of her that she wanted to forget.

Besides, though the greater evil was gone, but the lesser ones were still out there. With her bending, Katara could stop petty crime as well as she had stopped major evil. Several times since the end of the war she had stopped a robbery. Sometimes Aang had been with her. Sometimes she had been alone.

* * *

They would reach the palace before nightfall. Katara was sad to leave behind the peacefulness she had experienced on the journey, especially now that each emotion seemed to be more. More complete, real, and capable of leading her somewhere new. But Zuko was her friend and he needed her now, needed all of them. With a sigh, she released her peace and embraced the sorrow she felt for the Fire Lord.

When they arrived, the setting sun was casting a blood red light over the city. She saw the flags and knew they were too late. The party sent to greet her carried flags with the traditional fire emblem on them. But instead of black on red, these flags had a red emblem on a black background. The Fire Nation was in mourning.

The greeting party led her through the city to the palace. All along the way, richly dressed people bowed respectfully to her.

Zuko had done well as Fire Lord. At first, it seemed he wouldn't be able to do it. A vast majority of the people had been fine with the war. Fire Nation citizens in the bigger cities hadn't even been taxed.

Zuko had changed that right away. He started taxing everyone, even the nobles. Especially the nobles. Of course, the economy faltered a bit. Zuko explained it all to his people before putting the tax into effect: It was for war reparations. The Fire Nation had destroyed so much, it was their duty to help rebuild what they had burned down.

At Iroh's insistence, Zuko began opening up the palace courtyard once a month for festivals. That seemed to boost morale among the people, and soon the slumping economy began to level off. The people still weren't happy, not like they had been during the war. But they began to deal with it. Zuko's real breakthrough had been negotiations with the other nations.

The Earth Kingdom had agreed to drop most of the war debt—in return for ships. They wanted to be able to protect themselves on water as well as on land, so they were building a navy. The peace time seemed a great opportunity to train a few ships for defense not offense. They decided to start small. Zuko agreed and gave up five of the Fire Nation's biggest ships. The commanding officers would stay with their ships to teach the newly-founded Earth Navy how to run the ships. However, the other two hundred soldiers were out of a job.

It was then that Zuko went to the Water Tribes. They agreed to drop the debt altogether in exchange for workers. The Water Tribes' primary building material was ice, and they had plenty of it, so all they needed was labor. The soldiers had lived in the Poles for two years, building in the South and rebuilding in the North. When the time came to return, some chose to stay, so the Water Tribe population was growing.

Now the Fire Nation Economy was stable. Its people were happy, not having realized how much they missed having friendly neighbors. Instead of eying her warily as they once had, the people of the Fire Nation greeted her warmly and viewed her as a war hero. Their praise-filled gazes made Katara uncomfortable, so it was a long walk to the palace.

Iroh met her at the main entrance. Hiding her surprise, Katara greeted him with a hug. As far as she knew, Iroh hadn't left his tea shop in Ba Sing Se since the war's end. But he and Zuko were very close. Of course he would be there in Zuko's time of need.

Sokka and Suki were right behind him. She hugged her brother and his wife for a long time. She still wasn't used to not being with Sokka every day. He was here, same as ever, but his usually confused face had a serious look on it. Suki hugged her like always, but she seemed different somehow, bigger maybe.

Katara pulled back to look her sister up and down. "Suki! You're pregnant!" Suki smiled at her shyly, and the serious look on Sokka's face was replaced by pride and happiness.

"I know. It's great right? I told you I had a big surprise for you!" He had told her, but Katara had never expected his from Sokka. To him a big surprise was just as likely to be an ingrown toenail.

Katara couldn't hide her sudden excitement, "Oh my goodness! I'm going to be an aunt!" Katara looked at Sokka and Suki, so happy in each other's arms, and felt some of the peace from the boat ride return. "We should celebrate!"

"Thanks," Suki smiled, but looked uneasy.

Sokka explained for her, "Perhaps now's not the best time, Katara."

"Nonsense," Iroh insisted, a smile brightening his kind features. "The world has always been this way. Peace during war, love amidst hate, happiness hand-in-hand with sorrow, and new life after a death. Katara is right, we should celebrate. Especially now while all your friends will be here together."

Just then something occurred to Katara. "Wait. Where's Toph? I thought she was living with you guys?"

"Oh she is!" Sokka said without answering Katara.

"She had a special friend to introduce to her parents, so the soldiers had to go farther inland to find her," Suki explained, a mischievous look on her face.

Katara was confused for a moment, then she smiled. "Teo?" she whispered to Suki, and Suki nodded with a quick glance at Sokka. He was almost as protective of Toph as he was of his real sister Katara.

Iroh led them through the palace as they caught up with each other, but Sokka and Suki left as they passed their room. Katara had been able to get straight onto the boat, but the two of them had had a bit of a land journey first. Besides, they assured her, they had already visited Zuko that morning. It was then that Katara realized where Iroh was taking her, and she suddenly felt nervous. What if she said something wrong and upset him more?

Iroh knocked once on the door before letting them in. Katara could easily see why Sokka and Suki hadn't come to visit again. The grief in the room was almost tangible. They had stood in the room looking around for a few minutes, and Zuko still hadn't spoken. Katara wouldn't have noticed where he was if he hadn't been meditating with a candle in front of him. The flame flickered as his breath hitched in his throat.

No longer nervous, Katara went to him and pulled him into a hug as she had other friends that night. Words weren't necessary, so she didn't worry about upsetting him. Her embrace told him that they were there for him, and his arms tightening around her were his thanks.

Katara pulled back to look into his face. Instantly, she was reminded of the sky earlier that day. The grief over his face was like the clouds over the sun. His golden eyes were flat and empty as her blue eyes searched them. Something flashed there, and he looked like he wanted to speak. But he opened his mouth and nothing came out. Katara quietly pulled him back into the hug, feeling helpless and desperate for the silent comfort of a few moments ago. If he spoke, and she found she wasn't helping him at all, she didn't know if she could take it.

From the doorway, Iroh watched their embrace with shadowed eyes, then shut the door on them. Seeing his nephew in such pain was hard for him. He had taken care of Zuko, treating him like his own son as he tried to teach him wrong from right. He had seen the boy struggle with good and evil. But seeing his boy barely reach manhood and have to struggle with such grief was almost too much for an old man to bear.

* * *

**A/N: So I hope you like the story so far... it has alot more to go! Special thanks to MadnessinmyMethod. She's betareading this for me. This is my first story to ever use a betareader on so she's been great! As always, reviews and constructive criticism are muchly appreciated! **

**Also, my story called Name is kind of like a... prerequisite for this. You'll understand even if you don't read the other, but in one of the coming chapters there are several references to the earlier story. If you choose not to read Name and they are referring back to something you don't remember from the series, that would probably be the part I'm talking about!**


	3. Setting Sun

Katara woke up before dawn. In the moments before the sun came up the air was as damp as the swamp, but much, much cooler. She pulled on her blue robes and headed out to the courtyard. The clouds had cleared overnight, so there would be no storm. At least not in the literal sense. The funeral was set for that afternoon. Sunset.

The robes rustled around her legs in a way that seemed far too loud for the sleeping palace. Had they always been so noisy? Over the past few years, Katara had discarded her Water Tribe robes in favor of the latest fashion wherever they were living at the time.

However, she had flatly refused to wear the leaf garments of the swamp folk. Instead, she had worn a shorter, smooth green dress. But last night Sokka had been wearing his Water Tribe clothes even though he'd been living in the Earth Kingdom. It reminded Katara that she was always a representative of her people. She tired not to hear they way the rustling sound echoed off of the cold stone hallways. When she reached the courtyard, she found that she wasn't alone.

Zuko was there, shooting fire from his fists and feet with wild abandon. That was clearly his purpose: To let loose with no worries. Katara turned to head back to her room, willing to let her friend do what he needed to heal. But the rustling of her robes stopped him mid-formation. The wave of fire continued toward the far wall as he turned toward her.

"Good morning, Katara." His voice was careful. Not dripping with sorrow, but there was no happiness there.

"Good morning, Lord Zuko," she felt nervous being addressed by Zuko in the vast courtyard, even if it was empty. Zuko managed the tiniest hint of amusement and her awkwardly formal greeting. "Perhaps I could interest you in a small match. Fire on water. Kind of like old times, but as friends." Iroh had rubbed off on him, and Katara could almost hear his uncle in the words.

She nodded her head and smiled in anticipation. Sokka and Suki could never understand it, the way it felt when you bended. With water it was like a cool spring within you. It started in her heart and worked its way outward through her limbs so that when she reached for the water outside her body, it just felt like an extension of herself.

Even when fighting, it was smooth. Like a gentle rain. Once, she and Aang had danced together. It had felt awkward and wild compared to the grace of bending. She couldn't know how it felt to Zuko and other fire benders, but she had seen the dance in their eyes and the grace in their step as they let the fire within them sweep outward.

There was a small well in the corner of the courtyard. They started there for Katara to use instead of pulling the moisture from the dewy morning air. In the minutes between day and night they were evenly matched. The moon had already set, but the sun had not yet risen. Zuko's brilliant red flames lit up the courtyard as quickly as Katara's waves cut them off.

When the sun broke over the low ridges to the east they could see that the courtyard was misty with steam from where the attacks had met. Zuko dropped his arms first.

"It would be rude to humiliate an honored guest." It was a common thing, for him to tease about beating her, but the humor was gone from his voice. Katara bowed humbly, but retorted like always, "Trust me, Fire Lord. You were in no danger of being rude. It takes more than a spark to quench a stream." Zuko didn't hesitate to answer the traditional gibe with one of his own. His response held a little more emotion than before. "And it takes more than a river to stop a wildfire."

Katara held back her smile for a moment, before breaking out in peals of laughter that were far too loud in the empty stone quadrangle. Zuko joined her. His chuckles were fake, forced, but his smile almost reached his eyes. He returned Katara's bow with a genuine smirk.

"Thank you for the distraction, Katara."

"Anytime, Zuko."

"Make yourself at home in the palace. I will see you this evening." As he reached the end of his sentence, his voice broke. He left Katara standing in the steam-filled courtyard and his face regained its dead empty mask.

* * *

Katara spent the rest of the day in Sokka and Suki's room. Aang still hadn't reached the palace when Toph and Teo arrived around noon and they all had lunch together. Iroh joined them and they laughed about the old days when they had all lived in the Western Air Temple. Iroh hadn't been around for that, but he had heard the stories often enough to laugh along with them.

After that they talked of the even older days when Zuko had dragged Iroh all over the planet trying to capture them. Then it had been terrifying, but now it was funny to remember all they had done. Zuko's reactions were a particularly humorous topic.

"Ah, yes," Iroh said, wiping away tears of laughter, "My nephew was always such a drama queen. He thought every loss was fate trying to punish him for losing his honor. He took those hits worse than he should have."

They all fell silent, thinking of Iroh's words and Zuko's most recent loss. "He's taking this better than I would have thought," Iroh continued in a serious voice. "Thank you all for coming. I know having friends here has helped him"

They all assured him that it was fine. "We would have done the same for any of our group."

"I know you would, Katara. And Zuko would have been there for each of you. That shows the kind of friends you all are."

* * *

Mai had fought in the war. At first, she had fought alongside Azula, but she and Ty Lee had changed sides when it truly mattered. Who knew? If Mai and Ty Lee hadn't been on Azula's side so that they could turn on her at the Boiling Rock, the war might have ended differently

Either way, Mai had been a warrior. To show their respect, Katara and the others wore their warrior's uniforms. Each outfit had minor changes to show the gravity of the situation. Katara's bending gloves and bracers were a blue so deep it was almost black. Suki wore her Kyoshi outfit, and instead of gold, her headpiece and fan were onyx inlaid with silver. Sokka painted his face like the wolf, a true representation of the Southern Water Tribe. His sword wore a black scabbard. Toph didn't dress any differently in battle, so she wore her usual green and earth-tones clothes. Around her left ankle, above her bare foot was a thin black cord. Aang hadn't made it in time for the funeral.

As was the custom in the Fire Nation, those nearest the deceased clothed themselves in light colors. Relatives wore white, but close friends traditionally wore beige or cream. Zuko and his uncle wore white, as did Mai's family. The emblem of the Fire Nation flashed golden on his robes, matching the shape of his headpiece. Ty Lee was looking somber in a dress of ivory.

Apart from a few other important people from the Earth and Water Nations, the crowd wore red trimmed in black. The ceremonial courtyard was transformed into a vast red sea. Bits of black flickered in and out of sight like ripples and waves as the people shifted their weight and in some cases, broke down into heaving sobs.

The eerie semblance to the ocean unnerved Katara. It reminded her of suffering instead of bringing cool peace like the real ocean did. The few tears blurring her vision did nothing to diminish the similarities, so she shifted her attention to Zuko and Iroh.

It had been Zuko's choice to have Iroh, rather than a Fire Sage, conduct the funeral. Even the people who were determined not to cry shed tears after Iroh's speech. He started with the death of Lu Ten, his son, and progressed into his fatherly feelings for Zuko. Zuko, Iroh said, had been a happier person in the time he spent with Mai. Happier than Iroh had thought possible.

When his nephew had spent himself in order to keep the nation together, Mai had stood beside him. She would have made a great Fire Lady, he said, "But now that she is gone, let us not forget her memory. We should all strive to be as proud of our nation, as loyal to our leaders, as true to our hearts, and as loving to our friends as Mai was."

Katara looked around as people fell apart. Mai's mother and father were crying into each other's shoulders as Tom-Tom buried his face in his "Uncle Bumi's" dark green robes. Ty Lee, ignoring her escort, had her arms wrapped around Sokka's waist sobbing. Suki was too busy bawling into Sokka's other side to even glare at her.

The look on Zuko's face reminded her of Aang. When the people he was protecting were hurting, Aang felt pain as well. His people were breaking. Zuko held himself together, even though this was his tragedy, his loss. He was strong for his people. He stood as Iroh stepped back.

He bowed first to his people, then to Mai. Her body lay on a platform built of cedar and driftwood. Katara thought she saw a single tear in the corner of his scarred eye before he lit the funeral pyre with a gentle sweep of his hand. Zuko's face lit up red, then blue as the driftwood caught fire. He didn't back away as the flames rose.

The fire became so hot that Katara had to turn her head away from the heat. But before she turned away, she looked again at the young Fire Lord's face. In his expression she saw so many emotions that she knew they couldn't all be about Mai. She saw sorrow, loss, and love, but also jealousy, compassion, anger. It seemed Zuko was putting to rest more than his fiancée. He was standing so close to the flames that the tears streaming down his cheeks evaporated before they reached his chin. As the light of the dying sun faded away, the flames rose higher and higher.

* * *

**A/N: First off, when my betareader was reading this, she pointed out that at Fire Nation funerals, they wore white. (As seen in Zuko Alone!) SO... I rewatched. And only the royal family was wearing white. Everyone in the courtyard seemed to have on red. They all looked like Fire Sages though, so idk what you are supposed to wear if you aren't royal or a Fire Sage. **

**SO I MADE STUFF UP!  
these are my rules for funerals of the Avatar world.  
1) In every nation except the Fire Nation, black is the appropriate color for mourning  
2) If you are a royal of the Fire Nation, you wear white/gold. Everyone else--red/black.  
3) Colors are appropriate at all Air (yes, they're gone, but for the sake of my rules...) funerals and some Water and Earth ones. This is because these cultures celebrate the passing of a life into the next great journey. Fire Nation are just so serious!  
4) The exceptions in the Water and Earth Nations are when people are murdered. Then you can mourn and just generally be pissed at whoever killed someone. Air people didn't have these exceptions because they are firm believers in fate. They don't alter their practices because of details like that.**

**I just made all of that up. Feel free to disregard it after you understand why people wore what they did to Mai's funeral. (For someone who just wears jeans and T-shirts, I just spent alot of time explaining dress codes...)**

**Second off, I'm excited to have people add this story to their favorites and alert list, but how about some reviews?! Pretty please!!**


	4. Failure and Success

There was a feast that night. Katara found herself at a long, low table in one of the minor dining halls, surrounded by almost everyone she had ever called friend. It had been Iroh's idea to use a minor dining room, but Zuko had agreed. The main dining hall had a raised dais at one end of the table where Zuko usually sat above his subjects. But here with friends everyone was on the same level.

Zuko sat at the head of the table. On his right were Mai's parents. They had pulled themselves together long enough for Bumi to convince them to come to the feast.

After the war, Mai's family had returned to Omashu after asking Bumi's permission to live in the city. Tom Tom had taken his first steps there and Mai's mother insisted that the Earth Kingdom air smelled better. But Bumi had done them one better than letting them return. He knew that, for all their being on the Fire Nation side, they had taken the responsibility of governing Omashu seriously.

He had seen their love for his city, and when he heard their request, he granted it, then offered to let them live in the palace. Mai's father was now Bumi's royal advisor, and although they were still new to the Earth Kingdom customs, they seemed happy there.

On Zuko's left were Ty Lee and Iroh. Somehow, Ty Lee managed to look perky in her sorrow, and Suki had recovered enough to drag Sokka much farther down the table. Katara, Toph, and Teo had followed and they all sat together with all the Fire Nation nobles between them and the head of the table.

Farther down the table sat more friends. The rest of the Kyoshi Warriors were there, as were key members of the White Lotus Society. Sokka and Katara's Gran Gran sat to the left of her husband Pakku, and Hakoda and Arnook, who had become close friends over the last years, sat nearby. The Earth King sat by himself at the foot of the table. The chairs nearest him were empty, too. Most people were far too squeamish to sit by Bosco as he wolfed down his food. But Bosco displayed excellent table manners, careful to not even displace the black hat that sat on his massive head.

The atmosphere was almost pleasant. It was light, but strained. Zuko, jaw tight, didn't speak. Katara saw him looking at Iroh a few times, but whatever his uncle was saying, Zuko only nodded in response. Meanwhile, Sokka was impressing his wife with his devastating wit and charm. Laughing at his own joke, he snorted and a noodle came out of his nose.

It took them by surprise and they all began to laugh. Even a few of the stiff-faced nobles joined in before they all realized where they were. Everyone froze and looked to the head of the table. Their gazes slid over Mai's parents—who looked surprised but not angry—to Zuko. When he rose from his chair, the only sound in the hall was the screech of metal chair on tiled floor. He nodded once to his guests, then left.

Both Katara and Iroh rose at the same time to go after him, but Iroh motioned to her to take this one. As she hurried after him, she tried to regain the courage she had felt the night before as she pulled him into her arms. But it was gone. Her hands were shaking as she called after him. He stopped where he was, almost sixty yards down the cavernous hallway but he didn't turn to her. Katara couldn't bring herself to shorten the distance between them.

"Won't you come back?" Her whisper echoed and amplified so that he heard her as well as if she'd been standing with him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before answering. "I appreciate your concern, Katara, but don't ask me. Not tonight."

She stood there speechless as he walked away.

That night she lay awake, pondering the tense conversation they had shared in the Eastern Hallway, until her restlessness forced her from her bed. She kept chiding herself for not being able to bring him back. After the first laugh, the feast had easily slipped into what it was meant to be: A celebration of Mai's life among her friends and family. The mourning time had ended, and Mai wouldn't have wanted them to waste so much time crying over her. She would have found it boring.

Zuko should have been there to see that. Somehow, should have convinced him to stay, but what could she have said? The whole situation was driving her crazy. The failure to help a friend rankled her pride, but she couldn't conceive a way to win.

There was a light tap on her door. "Katara, are you still awake?" The old voice was familiar.

"Come in, Iroh. I'm still awake." Katara paused her restless pacing to sit on the small couch. Iroh sat next to her and looked at her face for a long time.

"You are worried," he said gravely.

Katara couldn't deny the truth of the statement, so she nodded her head miserably. "It's all I can think about," she admitted, unable to look him in the eyes.

"That is understandable. In a time like this, it is important to remember that our friends do not give up on us. We should not give up on them." He sat silent for a moment while Katara processed that, then stood up to leave. "I should be going, I'm an old man who needs his rest. Besides, a good-looking man like me, in the bed chamber of a beautiful maiden. Well, it could cause quite a scandal!"

He winked at her as she let out a relieved laugh. "Thank you for your help, Iroh. You always give such good advice. I think I know what to do."

"Do not worry about it, young lady. Besides, I'm sure he will not be away more than a few extra days. Just wait and see!"

He was gone then, so he didn't see Katara's face. She stood dumbstruck in the middle of the room for a full five minutes before she realized that he had been talking about Aang. She forced herself to get into bed again, but lay awake with more questions than before.

Despite all the indecision she felt, Katara rose early again and went to the small courtyard where she and Zuko had bended the previous morning. Zuko honored the unspoken agreement and was there already. She hesitated only a moment, unsure of what he would say after last night.

To Katara's immense relief, he seemed more like himself this morning. He even offered a genuine tease as he removed his tunic. Katara couldn't formulate a sarcastic response. All here mind power was pulling her eyes away from his chest to his face.

They fought harder this morning. Once, Katara's ice-encased hand was close enough to sever a lock of hair from Zuko's right temple. Later, the fireball Zuko held came close enough to bring a blush to Katara's right cheek. Not a real burn, but more like a sun burn.

After the sun rose on the now steamy courtyard, they continued to fight. Zuko clearly had the upper hand, but Katara was agile. She'd grown several inches in the last few years, but was anything but awkward and gangly. Zuko pushed her until his own breath came in small gasps similar to the heaving and panting that shook her body. But Katara didn't mind. There, on Zuko's face, was a smile. The first true one she'd seen on this trip to the palace.

Iroh had been right about not giving up, even if he had been talking about something else entirely. It would be a hard road, but Katara could smell victory as sure as she could smell the smoky essence of his skin.

His face slipped back into the emotionless mask as he thanked her for the match, but it wasn't the same. This new mask was softer, more breakable. Katara celebrated her small victory all the way back to her room.

Iroh's conversation from the night before ran through her head all day. Her time was spent with her best friends, the people she was more comfortable with than anyone else in the world. However, she never quite worked up the nerve to tell them about her and Aang's breakup. She told herself she would tell them when Aang arrived, but he didn't come. She was still wrestling with herself as the group went to dinner.

Zuko had been slightly more social today. Knowing that his friends would not be able to stay much longer, he had cancelled a meeting to eat lunch with them. He hadn't stayed long or taken part in conversation much, but he had promised to be at Sokka and Suki's party that night.

Iroh had taken Katara's suggestion to heart and had planned the celebration for dinner that every evening. Again, it was held in a minor dining room, but not the same as the night before. The meals were different, too. Ever the sensitive one, Zuko's uncle had been careful to avoid triggering unpleasant thoughts.

Almost everyone from the night before was there, excepting all the nobles and several White Lotus friends who hadn't been able to stay the extra day. Mai's parents were there, adding their gift to the pile of presents on a long table that was set up for that purpose. Unable to hide the surprise, they told the proud parents right away that it was a baby sling. They had used it to keep Tom Tom close after he had been kidnapped by Earth Kingdom rebels, but they thought it would be good for Sokka and Suki to have their hands free as they taught the next generation of Kyoshi Warriors. Sokka thanked them heartily, careful not to give away that it had been the gang that had accidentally kidnapped their son, not Omashuan rebels.

Zuko was there, as promised, but on the outskirts, careful not to let himself become involved in the merriment. He declined the invitation to eat with them. He didn't give a reason as he quietly excused himself after congratulating Sokka and Suki. Iroh caught Katara's eye from across the room. Again he nodded at her to take the reins. She didn't know his reasons last night, but right now it was clear that he was enjoying the party he had planned.

Remembering her failure the night before, Katara hurried after the Fire Lord. She used the same tactic as the night before, but more confident this time. "Zuko! Wait up!" She caught up to him and touched his sleeve to turn him around.

"What?" he asked her and she heard a touch of his old anger in that voice.

"Zuko, you shouldn't be doing this. Moping alone in your room instead of being with your friends. I can't let you do that."

"Katara, I can't either. I can't go be with all those people while they watch my every move just waiting for me to break down. I don't think I can celebrate anything!" His eyes burned into hers for an immeasurable moment before his expression softened. "At least not yet. I can't stay here."

Katara tightened her fist before speaking, "Then I'm coming with you!" He cocked his eyebrow at her. "I can't let you go wallow in misery. At least let me go with you. I'll be a distraction at the very least."

"Thank you, Katara. You're a good friend."

He turned and continued down the hallway. Taking his thanks for a 'yes', Katara followed him.

* * *

**A/N: Wow everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! I know I asked for them, but you really came through! **

**Also, lots of thanks again to my betareader, MadnessinmyMethod. She is the only beta I've ever had, but I'm convinced that she is the best!**

**It may be a few days until the next update. I'm moving into a new apartment and that will take a bit of my focus for the next few days. But it won't be a long break!**


	5. Distractions and Regrets

The royal apartments at the Fire Palace were really just one huge room. The floor was lowered and raised in different places to divide the room into separate areas. A lush, deep red carpet covered the entire room while golden pillars held up the rafters. Zuko led her to a corner of the room where the floor was sunken around a fire pit. The fire was surrounded by couches full of cushions richer than Katara had ever seen. Around the couch it was warm and comfortable. The small fire had clearly been burning for a while, and Zuko put another log on the embers. He took a bottle from an ornate table nearby. He filled two small glasses with a rich amber liquid before taking a seat on the couch beside her.

There was silence as he stared into the flames, lost in thought. They sipped the drink in silence, and it seemed to warm her more than the fire. The whole reason for Katara's presence here was to keep him from thinking dark thoughts. She knew that, but couldn't bring herself to speak first. What kind of conversation did he want? What this a night where all walls were down, or not?

"Sokka seems happy," Zuko commented, attempting a normal conversation.

"Oh, he is. They are!" Katara told him, echoing his attempt at light chatter. "And since he and Suki are going to have their own family to worry about, he might be a little less protective of Toph and me. She's pretty happy with Teo and I'm not sure Sokka will be as understanding of that as he was of me and Aang."

"How is Aang these days? Are the two of you doing well?"

"Er," Katara still wasn't sure how to tell everyone about their recent revelation, so she avoided the second half of the question. "Aang's great. I'm sure he'll be upset that he wasn't here…" She broke off as she realized what she had done. Caught up in her quest to avoid embarrassment, she had forgotten that she was there to comfort Zuko. She bit her lip as Zuko went silent. Clearly her unintentional slip had led them away from normal conversation into more dangerous waters.

"I'm sorry, Katara." His voice was quiet, the same as the crackling fire in front of them. He was hunched forward towards the fire, while she leaned against the back of the couch. She had to move forward to hear his next words. "I know I'm worrying everyone, but I feel as if a part of me is gone, an important part that I'll never have again."

Katara sat quietly as her friend poured his heart out. "Uncle said Mai was like a sheath to me. Something to protect me and the people I love from myself. I guess he's right. I once told her that she was dull and emotionless, but she wasn't. She just had such perfect control when I had so little. Around her, I could really be myself. She knew me. Really knew me.

"She liked me before I had my scar, and still loved me after. Half the people in my own palace can't remember me without my scar. But she did."

"I'm so sorry, Zuko," Katara hesitantly reached out to pat his arm. "I know she was important to you—"

"She still is!" Zuko roared as his sudden anger caused the flames in front of them to dance near the ceiling. He jumped to his feet and looked down at Katara. She jerked her hand back when he stood, but her face never changed from its calm expression.

After several deep breaths he turned away. As he fumbled for control he made a great show of refilling their now empty glasses then forced himself back onto the couch. He angled himself towards Katara, as if listening more closely to her would vouch for the sincerity of his apology. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean it like that." He took a sip from his glass and tried to make it seem natural that his hand was shaking.

Katara carefully kept her calm. As she struggled to compose her face, she took another drink herself. The warm feeling was spreading through her body slowly. Over the years she had become almost used to Zuko's sudden and sometimes violent outbursts. She kept her breathing light and rhythmic as Zuko forced himself not to rush through the apology. She took a deep breath herself and continued where she left off. "I know Mai is important to you, but you should know that we all care about you. We may not have known you before your scar, but that's okay. We can't compare you to anyone, but who we've already seen."

They finished their second glass and Zuko rose to return them to the table as she let the truth of her statement sink in. Mai had seen all aspects of Zuko. She had seen him innocent and guilty. When he fell, she saw how far he fell. And she had stood by him, even when it seemed he would never reach his high point again. The others hadn't seen Zuko fall, but they had seen how far he climbed. And that was what mattered most to them: Where he was now.

He returned to his seat beside her on the couch, a little closer than before. She could almost feel the heat from his body that seemed to be several degrees warmer than others. She wasn't sure why it was. It might have only been an illusion, or it could be a fire bender thing. She didn't make a habit of lingering this close to others, so she couldn't really compare.

When it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything, she continued, "And you should know that no one looks at that scar as much as you do. Yes, we all see it as a part of who you are, but not like you think we do. It's a part of you like Aang's arrow, or my blue eyes. It doesn't make you a certain person, but reflects the person you already are.

"This face," she raised her right hand toward the left side of his face with no hesitation and Zuko didn't try to stop her. "This face is the face of a fire bender. Just like fire, it all depends on how you look at it: ugly or beautiful."

Out of the two other times she had raised her hand to Zuko's scar, he had only let her touch it once. That time had been nothing like this. It had been brief, a simple touch before healing something. This time her fingers traced its shape, memorizing the flames etched into his skin. Zuko's temper flare had burnt away most of the new log and the fire had faded away to embers again by the time she was done.

Her fingers rested on his cheek as their eyes locked together. Her hand was in the same place it had been in the Crystal Catacombs, but somehow the touch meant so much more. When she started to let her hand fall, he reached up with his own and held it there, cupped against his cheek. His scar was hotter than the rest of his boy, and her hand felt good there. Cool, like the water she had once used to calm the pain there.

He was still staring into her blue eyes with his golden ones. Unconsciously, she leaned forward until she was a few inches from him. Her nostrils picked up the heat from his skin and she jerked back. She shook her head to clear the fuzziness she suddenly noticed. "I'm sorry. I should be going." She stood up and turned to go.

"Wait," he reached for her hand and caught it. Each of them remembered it at the same time: a one-night truce beside a cool stream.

The scent of gunpowder was strong in her nostrils as he stood and pulled her close to him. She remembered his bare chest beneath her hands as his borrowed shirt blocked the cool breeze from her shivering body.

He remembered the feel of her cold lips against his cheek.

She was taller this time and instead of staring into his chest, she barely had to raise her eyes to look into his face. Neither of them knew who closed the distance between their lips first.

* * *

Kissing Katara was like nothing Zuko had ever experienced. Katara was an amazing person. Like Mai, she kept him calm but in a different way.

Water was her element. She was cool and calm, but strong. Her mouth moved in perfect rhythm with his and images from the North Pole flashed through his head.

The waves lapping at an iceberg.

The ebb and flow of the tide under the moonlight.

Every nerve ending in his body was on fire, then instantaneously the fire was quenched, before bursting into flame again. Such a good pain. He pulled her close into him.

* * *

She felt his hands behind her and arched her back, pushing herself closer to him. His lips met hers with a burning sensation and his hands on her back were much too hot. Goosebumps rose on her skin as his lips found their way to her neck.

Somewhere in Katara's mind, a voice told her to stop. This was Zuko, her friend, the _Fire Lord. _He had only just lost his girlfriend of five years. Katara fought to get the words out, but when her mouth opened, all that came out was a low moan. Without her having realized it, they were across the room. She felt the red silk sheets press against her bare back and knew that they were way past stopping.

* * *

Katara smelled the gunpowder and knew where she was before she opened her eyes to the sea of red. In the dim firelight, she could see several heavy-looking gold pillows, but her head was resting on a long pale arm. There was another wrapped around her bare waist.

Without warning, she began to cry. She had meant to help Zuko, to encourage him to slowly let go of his grief. Nothing like this. Last night had been foolish, rushed. Perhaps they had drunk more Firewhiskey than she thought.

She hadn't minded so much then, but now she saw the truth. How would this look? Zuko had just spent several months grieving as his fiancée died. His despair for the last two days had seemed so complete as to be incurable. For him to just enter into a new relationship was political suicide.

Last night, had been beautiful, but a clear failure in the comfort department. Unconsciously, Zuko's arm tightened around her and she felt his extra-warm body against hers. She fought to push a new wave of memories out of her head.

_The complex second scar on Zuko's chest. Her lips trailing that angry mark of Azula's lightning._

_Zuko's fingertips trailing fire along her body. His breath hot against her throat. _

The tears came faster, and her broken sobs woke the sleeping Fire Lord. "Katara? Are you crying?" The next words out of his mouth were apologies. A whole string of them. He was sorry for the night before, sorry for not stopping, sorry for what his thoughtless actions had done to her honor.

They were both sitting up on the bed now, with her back to him. She stole glance over her shoulder to look at him. His face was hard and angry. His eyes, closed. She turned back before they opened, unwilling to see the regret there that she already heard in his voice. When he reached the part about her honor, she snapped. Him and his precious honor! How dare he turn it into something like that? She knew what it really was. As she scrambled over the yards of mattress to the edge of the bed where she thought her clothes were, she remembered her thoughtless words the night before.

"_I'll be a distraction at the very least."_

Her fingers fumbled over the cords of her robes. She had let herself hope that last night was real. For a few hours it had seemed like she was getting the whirlwind romance that so many girls hoped for. She had cried when she saw the trouble ahead, but all couples had problems. A few minutes ago she had been prepared to fight for their relationship.

Now she saw that all she had been was what she had offered: a distraction. Keep the demons away until the sun rose. She pulled her knot tight and ran for the door, desperate to separate herself from the meaningless apologies.

* * *

**A/N: First of all: Yes, I called it Firewhiskey, like in Harry Potter! It fits I think.**

**Also, on a more serious note: I'm coming to a turning point in this series, and I have to remind myself why I write my stories.**

**As much as I love reviews, I write my stories for myself. Mainly to improve my writing, but on i write it to see the characters I love in different situations that I imagine in my head. When I watch Avatar, for example, my head is filled with "what if..."s, so I make it my goal to see the "what if..." through. **

**Over the next few chapters, I'm afraid I'll lose some readers. They may think that what I do is cliche or played out. However, although some of my story elements are affected by other books and movies, none of these parts are something I got from another Avatar fanfic. **

**I'd like to ask you all to stick by me and continue to read my story as we see where these situations lead. But if you must leave me, I respect your decision, and I'd appreciate it if you tell me in a review or a PM.**

**Thanks!**


	6. Blindness

Katara cried until after the sun had fully risen, but even after the tears were gone she just lay on the bed

Katara cried until after the sun had fully risen, but even after the tears were gone she just lay on the bed. She couldn't calm her racing mind enough to return to the peaceful oblivion of sleep, and she couldn't find strength enough to pull herself up from the bed. A small part of her wondered if Zuko had gone to the courtyard to bend this morning as if nothing had happened. He probably had, she decided bitterly. For him, nothing _had_ happened.

Just then, someone hit the door with a shuddering tremor. It swung open under the force of Toph's knocking. The blind earth bender stood in the doorway looking her usual scruffy, early-morning self.

"Someone came back to their room pretty late last night! Or should I say this morning?" Toph announced accusingly and far too loudly.

Katara flew from the bed to yank Toph into the room and shut the door behind her. "Whoa! What the—" Toph caught herself as she stumbled into the couch. She stopped for a moment, assessing Katara's erratic heartbeat. "Calm down, sugar," she teased gently.

She patted the cushion beside her and didn't speak again until she had put a comforting arm around Katara's shoulder. "I take it this is something we shouldn't tell Sokka?" Katara only nodded, but Toph felt it.

"You got it!" She gave Katara as smile and thumbs-up. "It's our secret! I'll let you get your rest then…" Toph had a teasing smirk on her face as she shut the door behind her.

Katara turned back to the bed, but she still wasn't ready to sleep again. She caught Toph before she had made it back to her own room. "Toph, would you mind practicing some bending with me?"

Toph smiled the same evil smile she had had since she was twelve. "A fight? Excellent! Where to, sister?"

Katara laughed with relief that Toph hadn't asked uncomfortable questions. Like why she had abandoned her usual routine of practicing with Zuko. Then again, Toph was generally a comfortable kind of person. "I was thinking of the lower southern garden, actually. Iroh was telling me that Bumi usually uses that one."

"Then lead the way!"

* * *

Katara spent the next two days avoiding Zuko. She felt guilty about it. After all, they were all there at the palace to help Zuko through his hard time. And she wasn't even speaking to him!

But as she evaded his eyes at dinner, she remembered the way his hands on her body said that he wanted her. And she recalled they way his apologies explained that he had just wanted _someone_.

Well, she had done her part in cheering up the Fire Lord. The others could do their share now, and she would be back to the swamp within a week. It couldn't be much longer until Aang returned, and then she would have that to deal with. But at least then she would be in familiar territory.

She had been trying to spend every waking moment busy in the garden with Toph, but she had forgotten to include Teo in her plans. To put it gently, Toph hadn't had much of a life growing up. Her only friends had been those she met while traveling with the gang.

After the war, her parents had still been reluctant to admit she didn't need to be treated like a porcelain doll. So Toph had left again. Her parents sent her a letter only a few days later, truly relenting this time. Toph had accepted their apologies, but said she wasn't ready to stop her traveling yet anyway.

For several years she had roamed around, staying almost every place the gang had ever been. It took her longer, traveling without Appa, but she had enjoyed herself. The Poles had been a pain, due to the fact that it was too cold to go barefoot. But she had really found her niche in the Northern Air Temple.

The way Teo was treated was exactly the way she wished her parents would treat her, but they had never been as understanding as Teo's father. Although most people would have seen his handicap as limiting, Teo's father and the others he lived with had never questioned his ability to do whatever they did.

It had been a new experience for her. Usually she had to spend months with people before they trusted her not to walk off a cliff if she didn't have a guide. But they had trusted her right away at the Air Temple, and the first day she started having adventures. The one thing anyone had questioned her on was when Teo suggested that she take a glider out. Even Toph had put her foot down on that one. "How would I even know where to land?" So they had compromised and Toph had ridden in Teo's chair with him.

Since her time there, Toph and Teo were almost inseparable. Toph had actually spent the morning bending with Katara. When they split up to go get ready for lunch Katara had asked the other girl if she felt like doing it again later. Toph hadn't actually said 'no,' but now she was nowhere to be found. Katara suspected Teo but couldn't really bring herself to feel angry with them.

She supposed she should feel honored to have spent as much time as she had with Toph, but when she couldn't lose herself in matches against the blind earth bender, her thoughts went to Zuko.

The last forty-eight hours had given her clarity. Zuko hadn't meant to hurt her like he had. He couldn't have known what she was thinking. If he had known that she thought it was real, he probably would have stopped right away.

She still couldn't be around him. Although she knew his apologies were sincere and she wasn't as bitter about them, she no longer trusted herself around him. She had already allowed herself to hope for it once, and a kind word might let it grow again.

She found herself sitting alone in the garden by the pond. Her trailing fingers left icy crystals on the surface as she tried again not to think of him. It was a wasted effort. She was mentally dissecting the expression he had worn at lunch today when she heard the quick, even footsteps behind her.

"Lady Katara," the soldier addressed her, bowing. "We have received a message from Lieutenant Yaku." Katara stood to her feet and nodded at him to continue. "He is now in Fire Nation waters and will arrive tonight. He's bringing home the Avatar."

The soldier shifted uneasily on his feet, and Katara wondered what he had to be nervous about. This was great news. She thanked the general and hurried off to start packing, barely able to keep herself from running.

* * *

Dinner was quiet. Katara kept her eyes on her own plate, careful not to meet any glances. As more guests left, they had returned to eating in the main dining hall. Although she didn't have to, Katara usually forced herself to eat there. She didn't want it to look as though she was avoiding him, so she made it a point to arrive late enough to ensure herself a seat far from the head of the table where the Fire Lord sat.

Usually Sokka and Suki would join her, but tonight they weren't there. She thought they were packing. They had only stayed this long to see Aang. However, Katara didn't mind eating alone.

With no one to talk to, and with the prospect of returning to the swamp, to normality, Katara let her mind roam. For once, it wasn't filled with thoughts of Zuko. She allowed herself to dream of a new adventure. Maybe she would explore the world like Toph had done.

Her lack of concentration mixed with excitement made her jittery. Once she even knocked her drink over on the arm of the nobleman next to her. It was water and she hurriedly bent it out of his sleeve, apologizing all the while. The man hadn't seemed angry, however he had acted strangely. He apologized almost as much as she had, careful to let her know that it was no big deal. The Fire Nation and the rest of world was in debt to Katara and her brother, he had said, then let her know that she was always welcome in the Fire Nation.

After a measured look at the excitement on her face and the hectic red in her cheeks, he had looked up the table at Zuko. As if knowing he was being watched, the Fire Lord looked up and met the man's gaze. Zuko nodded once in answer to a question Katara hadn't heard and went back to the hushed conversation he had been having with Iroh.

Everyone seemed to go back to normal while Katara puzzled over what had just happened. She tried to concentrate on the odd exchange and figuring out why the people around Zuko's table didn't look happy or excited. They looked somber. She hadn't thought there was any lasting enmity between the Avatar and the citizens of the Fire Nation. But her desperate mind, so relieved to have found a train of thought that wasn't painful, returned to her earlier fantasies about traveling the world.

* * *

When dinner finished everyone moved to the entrance hall. Sokka, Suki, Toph and Teo arrived a moment later, Suki apologizing for making them late. Katara spared a thought for Suki's red-rimmed eyes. Perhaps the wild emotions that come with being pregnant were especially strong tonight. Suki seemed alright again, holding Sokka's hand as they began the long trek though the city to the harbor, with Zuko, Katara and the others at the head of the crowd. Katara's thoughts were a thousand miles away. She didn't notice that the only footsteps echoing off the empty shop fronts were her own. When Sokka tripped over his own feet, Katara didn't realize over the sounds of her laughter that she was the only one laughing.

When they reached the water front, the ship hadn't reached the shore yet, but they could see it moving toward them through the dark water. As she shifted her weight impatiently from foot to foot, she could make out the hulking shape of Appa where he stood in the stern of the ship. The only sound she could hear was her own breathing. It came quicker as the boat drew close, as if her body as well as her mind was yearning for the return of normalcy.

She wasn't sure she could ever look at Zuko as just her friend anymore, and he had made it clear that he thought being anything more was a mistake. She had to get away from here. Whether she went back to the swamp with Aang or around the world alone, she couldn't be with Zuko.

The boat hit the dock gently and still there was no sound. Yaku was the first to disembark. As he made his way to Zuko who stood on Katara's right, the men began unloading the boat. Katara noticed how dark it was after sunset for the first time and shivered involuntarily. On three sides of her, Suki, Sokka, Toph and Zuko took a step closer together. Lieutenant Yaku was kneeling at Zuko's feet. "Your Honor," he said, solemnly, "the Avatar."

Katara looked around for Aang in confusion. The men that had begun unloading the ship brought the long, thin box they had been carrying and set It in front of Zuko as Yaku rose and moved back. It wasn't until the Fire Lord dropped to his knees and bowed to the box that Katara saw it for what it was: a coffin.

"_General Yaku is bringing home the Avatar."_

Bringing. Aang wasn't coming home. His body was being brought. For the first time in five years, Katara felt true despair, the absence of hope, the loss of a best friend. She could see what the others already knew.

They must have decided not to tell her. For a moment, she felt a flare of anger that died as she stepped toward the coffin. Toph and Suki were holding her hands, and Sokka steered her gently by her shoulders. She knelt right next to Zuko. Close enough to touch him, closer than she had been since that night.

It wasn't a truce, she just didn't care anymore.

* * *

**A/N: I know this chapter will make people mad. But it's something I've been planning from the beginning, so I'm not changing my mind about it!**

**My awesome beta reader, MadnessinmyMethod, pointed something out to me about Appa being alive after Aang died. I'm not sure whether it was actually stated in the show that the spirit animals die when their owners die, but Appa didn't die. I haven't yet decided whether or not I will address the issue of his supposing to have died. I may just be stubborn and ignore that... let me know your thoughts on this please!**


	7. Empty

She woke to the sound of rain, hard against her window. Waking up was always the worst. She lay in the dark, listening to her own breathing. The air made it into her lungs and almost all the way out before the nausea hit. She rushed for the basin at the end of her bed as her stomach emptied its meager contents.

Empty. Everything was empty.

Her breathing crept toward hyperventilation.

_Two days after Aang's funeral Zuko called a conference in what his ancestors had called the War Room. Not so long ago, Fire Lord Ozai had sat in this room, veiled by a curtain of fire as his generals planned the slow suffocation of their neighboring countries. Zuko had done away with the wall of flames, because it wasn't practical. He liked to participate in the planning, not that there had been much need for this room. Zuko had been using it for budget and tax discussions and the occasional international affairs council. Today was the first pivotal military meeting in five years and all four nations were on the same side this time._

"_Something must be done!" roared General How, speaking out above the clamor of the other conversations. That was why everyone was here, to decide what exactly must be done. No on wanted war again, but it seemed inevitable._

_Lieutenant Yaku had been asked to tell his story with all the nations present. It had been a short one:_

_His boat had left the other two it had been traveling with and headed south. They had seen no sign of Aang in the day it had taken them to reach the mountainous island where the Southern Air Temple stood. They had spent several days circling the island looking for Aang or some sign of what he had come to investigate. Eventually Yaku had given the order to drop anchor north of the island, directly in the path Aang would take on his return to the swamp. _

_Three days had passed with no sign. Yaku's ship was small with a crew of only twenty, but each night three men had kept watch for the shape of Appa flying over. On the fourth day Yaku had woken to a gruesome sight. _

_Aang's body sat cross-legged in the middle of the deck, as if he were meditating. Around him, heads bowed in mocking worship, were the bodies of the soldiers who had been on watch the night before. Each of them had died by a long silver needle that entered the neck from the back and protruded through the throat. Very little blood, but sufficiently horrific. In Aang's clenched fist was a note._

_The Avatar is no more. _

_War approaches._

_Are you prepared?_

_Kaji of the Saika_

_Fear our name. _

_Yaku began his return to the Fire Nation as soon as possible. A few hours later, Appa caught up with them and settled himself next to Aang's body. It was another day before he allowed Yaku's remaining men to touch Aang's body._

"_No one heard a sound?" asked Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe. _

_Yaku shook his head, "No sound at all. Even the wind was silent on that night."_

"_What about weapons?" asked Bato. "Footprints? Any mark at all? How can we even know what nation they are from, then?"_

"_Fire Nation, of course." Everyone turned to look at Zuko. His voice was quieter than it had been a few months ago, and harsher. However, he was taking this newest disaster in stride. _

"_Why the 'of course'?" asked Hahn, irritably. He was one of the people still coping with the new interaction and trust between the nations. "You hot heads aren't the only nation capable of stealth and secrecy."_

_Normally, calling the Fire Nation hot heads would have elicited a hearty chuckle from Sokka. The gravity of the situation and his intense hatred for Hahn kept him silent in his seat between his wife and his sister. _

_Katara laughed once, short and derisive, at Hahn's outburst. It was a small sound, but it was the first time she had spoken publicly since before Aang's funeral. "No, Hahn," she sneered. _

_The rest of her small speech was delivered in a flat, dead voice. "Clearly they are either Fire Nation, or they want us to think so. The note was written in Fire Script, where the letters are scorched into the page. Only advanced Fire Benders can do it."_

"_And the puncture wounds," Sokka spoke up, "They didn't bleed. The needle had to be heated to such an extreme temperature that they cauterized the wound as they entered the skin."_

_The Water Tribe siblings shot Hahn an identical glare, but Sokka turned to smile at his wife as she squeezed his hand. Katara's anger slipped into her now-natural look of extreme fatigue. _

"_They speak the truth," confirmed Iroh. "Besides, I have known warriors proficient in stealth from the Water Tribe as well as the Fire Nation," he said slyly, subtly lightening the atmosphere in the room. _

_Those who knew the story chuckled, even Zuko allowed himself a small smile. He had been there. Katara, in her anger had stopped the rain. Katara didn't react at all to the small gibe, and kept her eyes on her lap. _

"_So we know they're Fire Nation," said Bato, bringing the council conversation back to the present crisis. "What else do we know?"_

"_That's it, I'm afraid," said Iroh._

"_I've got servants scouring all the records we have for any mention of a man named Kaji, or Saika. Nothing yet, but I hope to know something more by tomorrow when we meet again. In the mean time, we need to be tightening security everywhere. All suggestions should be brought forward tomorrow. Are these plans satisfactory, Highnesses? Arnook and Hakoda?" _

_Zuko eased whatever small tension remained between the nations represented with just a few words. Although he conducted the council with all authority, by deferring judgment to the Earth Kings and Water Tribe Chiefs, he had made the council about them all. _

_Iroh nodded his approval at his nephew as he left the room. Zuko was growing into a fine Fire Lord. In spite of the circumstances, it gave Iroh a small joy. But his face fell as Katara walked by him. Her eyes looked dead in her gaunt face. She hadn't been eating, that was clear by the shrunken look her body had taken. _

That meeting had been two months ago now. As Zuko had suggested, security had been tightened everywhere. All ships that traveled from one nation to another were staffed by guards from all nations. Zuko's original investigative efforts hadn't been able to find anything for a long time. Then a pattern began to emerge. As the Saika attacked more and more boats, Zuko's researchers noted that they only acted on days that correlated with Iroh's march against Ba Sing Se eighteen years earlier. Aang's murder had been committed on the anniversary of the day that Iroh's troops had set out for the Earth Kingdom. The first small ship had disappeared the night that Iroh had crossed the Yangu River. Zuko quickly set a team of analysts to determining which days were safest for traveling. But while they had reduced the danger, no one knew how great the enemy's dramatic tendencies were. At any time they could give up their pattern and start random assault.

Only a few days ago Zuko himself had made another important discovery. Convinced that there was something they were missing, Zuko had started searching through the records himself. The dark circles under his eyes stood out sharply against his pale face. The more recent war records had oddities that started around five years prior to the war's end. Whole towns had been leveled when no soldiers had been stationed nearby. No survivors had come forward in the twenty some odd incidents, but they had never been investigated. The generals hadn't seen any reason to waste effort eradicating something which was ultimately helping them.

This new information brought no new plans, however. They still didn't know where to find the Saika or how to defeat them, and there was less than a year left until the anniversary of Iroh's breaking through the outer wall of Ba sing Se. Who knew what horrors would happen then? Especially since their current attacks worsened every time. The first few instances were just ships being ransacked, sunk, or blown apart. The attacks had been escalating though.

Just a week ago, they had received word of an entire fishing village killed overnight. The same town had been struggling to start again after being all but wiped out during the war. The sick irony was evident in the way the Saika had acted. A barn had caught on fire at the edge of town several days before, but the village had banded together to keep the fire from spreading. After succeeding together, they had held a celebration. In the midst of dancing and hope, the Saika had struck. A trader from a neighboring village had arrived the next morning. The town was burning, and there was no one left alive to stop the blaze which had started from the villager's celebration bonfire.

It was all Zuko and the leaders of the other nations could do to keep the peace.

After a while, Katara forced her breathing to calm. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and leaned back against the bed. The first time she had thrown up had been only a few weeks after the funeral. Her mind shied away from that painful memory. After that, the nausea had become common. Every morning and most days when she found herself thinking of the emptiness. She had started eating a little more, but nothing stayed down.

She forced herself to stand, but the room began to sway and she almost fell back down. Slowly, she made her way across the room to the couch. Iroh had sent up more food. For that she was grateful. She would probably lose it soon enough, but retching on an empty stomach was more painful. The food, a thick stew, helped with the light headedness as well.

After half a bowl she felt almost normal, but the red walls seemed to press in around her. She pulled on her blue robes and left the room as it was. Her pace through the quiet palace was slow. It seemed deserted, but she knew the people around her were sleeping. It must have been earlier than she had thought.

Without seeing another person, she found herself in the courtyard. A flash of lightning lit up the great empty space, and her knees gave way as the thunder crashed. She stared up at the sky, blinking as the rain dropped onto her face. She closed her eyes and the rain drops rolls from the corners of her eyes down her cheeks like tears.

She couldn't cry. Even when she wanted to, it was just too much effort. Getting up every day, speaking to people, just breathing was exhausting. And the world just kept turning. She could never catch up. Suppressing a bitter laugh, she remembered dreaming of things going back to normal. Normal didn't exist anymore, and this broken reality just kept stretching longer and longer.

She didn't know how long she had been laying there when Zuko found her. He picked her up easily and pulled her back under the overhanging roof. After setting her against a stone pillar, he shrugged out of his robe and wrapped it around her. She turned away from his bare chest, embarrassed.

Zuko stared down at her for a long moment. Abruptly, he heaved a sigh and sat down beside her. The lightning flashed in his gold eyes twice more before he spoke. "Everyone is leaving today. Your brother, Suki, and Toph. Even Uncle is going back to Ba Sing Se today. The palace will seem so empty."

Katara didn't comment. She knew about emptiness.

"When will you leave, Katara? Where will you go?"

Katara only shrugged. The swamp held nothing for her. Everywhere was full of memories of the past, but nowhere held a future.

"I wanted you to know, you're always welcome here. As long as you like, the room where you're saying in is yours."

It was a diplomatic suggestion, Katara thought. He'd make the same offer to the orphaned child of a noble family. She kept her eyes down, careful not to meet his gaze. There were memories here as well, but the idea of moving was draining. Just thinking about where she could live left her feeling tired.

She knew Sokka or her father would gladly give her space, but she couldn't bear the look in their eyes around her. Unable to find an answer for Zuko, she sat there silent until he stood and helped her to her feet. Katara wobbled a bit and Zuko caught her arm as he escorted her back to her room. She was too grateful for the help to even act like she didn't want to touch him.

He stopped outside her door, waiting for her to go in before leaving. "Zuko," she said, still staring down, "how long have you known me?"

His tone was puzzled, "Around six years."

"In all that time, how often have you seen me without Aang?"

"Never. As I recall, you met him the same day I 'met' you."

Katara sighed, remembering for a moment. "Everything's been about him for so long. He was my whole world, Zuko."

"I know," he said quietly.

"I don't know what to do!" she said, slightly hysterical. "Tell me! What can I do, Zuko?" With horror, she felt the tears on her cheeks, but before she could wipe her eyes, Zuko's hand grabbed her chin, forcing her head up and her eyes into his.

It was the first time she had made eye contact with him since that night, and her knees shook even more. Slowly and deliberately, Zuko brushed away her tears. "Do what the rest of us are doing, Katara. Keep living, one day at a time."

With a snap, everything fell into perspective for her. Katara could see how depressed she had become and how it was hurting everyone around her. She wasn't the only one affected by Aang's death. They were already hurt, and she was hurting them more.

Zuko left her standing shocked in the hallway. The nausea came again. This time she barely made it to the basin. She felt more tears falling as she crawled, fully clothed and soaking wet into the bed.

When the dawn came, she resolved to do like the others and keep living, but right now she just wanted to cry. For her lost friend, and for herself_._

**A/N: Hey everyone!! Sorry it is taking me SOOOO long to update these days. School's keeping me pretty busy. The good new: I'm making A's... despite the fact that I'm taking notes _while_ writing this story!**

**I really like this chapter, but it was hard.**

**Obviously, Katara is very depressed here. It was hard for me to write it. Firstly, I've been depressed before, but never to this degree, and I had to amplify that. And that was tough.**

**Secondly, it was hard to write from Katara's position (that I've put her in, but still). I have a best friend that's a guy, and if he wasn't around anymore I'd be depressed beyond all reason. Because I love him, not because I'm in love with him. And I had to use alot of my own feelings here to not make it seem as though Katara has changed her mind about Aang being her soul mate. I don't know how well I did, so please let me know!**

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